Tanked O-town

by Hoosenberg

The MXD Storm Lake Honda tour headed for Orlando, and things were quite a bit similar to that time when Jeff from SLH and I descended on Walt Disney’s home back in 2006 for the Dew Tour. Yup, chaos ensued. I firmly believe destruction follows certain individuals and when it comes to fantasy SX, or dirtbikes in general, I fit the mug shot to a T.

I know it can be difficult to follow sometimes, so what I’m saying in so many words is there’s a reason I’m qualified to write this article. Everything I touch, more often than not, in this sport ends in a cloud of smoke. 

There needs to be an emergency alert system, notifying fellow fantasy teams when I pick the 11th fastest qualifier, Bobby Piazza. Unlike distant relative Mike Piazza of MLB fame (I truly have no idea if they’re related, I’m just trying to make a point), Bobby P doesn’t have a .308 batting average, nor 400 home runs. In fact, he has 2 career SX mains and a bunch of finishes outside the points in outdoors since turning pro in 2015.

And like Racer X says, “that’s all we really know about the guy.” But that didn’t stop 31% of us from hiring him, looking through rose tinted goggles at the 13th fastest qualifying time and mere $55k price tag. You know how many YZF250s you can buy on Facebook for $55,000?!

Instead, the dude who’s most notable accomplishment was the time he didn’t make the main, rewarded us with a seized bike in the heat, ending the night early. Listen, I get it. I hope you detect the sarcasm. I know our fantasy dreams are nothing compared to a dude’s career and/or dreams. But I’ve got a Peacock premium subscription, SLH all year pass to MXD360, as well as a 6 pack entry fee on the line here.

I feel bad for Bobby P, but at least he has two months to get that bike fixed and line up in SLC for the 69% that have him available. And watch, he’ll probably break the MXD system and score 30+ points for everyone but me. But In the meantime, we’ll stew over our failures as team managers for a week and give it a go again next Saturday, and hope we don’t get Tanked.